Sleeping in her packn'play (First night at home)
Taking a nap in our bed (January 2010)
Sleeping in the swing (October 2009)
WARNING: Hideously long post...not for the faint of heart.
Sleep... Lack of sleep...Where to sleep...When to sleep...Not wanting to sleep..Wanting nothing as much as sleep...Who gets to sleep...
I realize that there were certain things that I assumed about parenthood in the months preceding Ilyana's birth that just haven't been what I expected. There are other things that have become part of our reality that I never even thought to expect.
I had a vague expectation prior to Ilyana's birth that parents don't get much sleep, babies wake often, and some babies sleep better than others. Beyond that, I don't really think I had much of a grasp on how much this whole issue can become a behemoth to conquer and a labyrinth to find your way through. We also had spent weeks preparing the nursery to be just "perfect." Sheets laundered and ready for a baby who would sleep there soon.
After Ilyana's birth, I quickly realized that sleep as I had previously known it was gone (at least for the time being). Since that time, we have been riding the "sleep deprivation roller coaster," and I am praying that we are beginning to see the station off in the distance and all of the people in this family might finally be quasi-rested. I am realizing just how quickly things are forgotten, and I thought it might be interesting to us later on to remember the process we have been in as new parents and as a new person (Ilyana). I, by no means, assume this process is complete. I just want to record what's happened so far.
Starting Out...We had put the packn'play in our bedroom next to the bed as recommended by the medical personnel, and we moved the glider into our bedroom. The nights of those first weeks are a blur in my mind, but we made it through the initial jolt to the system. I can vaguely recall long feedings (approximately 20 minutes per side of nursing + burp time + back to sleep time.) I think the first night we were home, I actually set my alarm to wake up to make sure that I fed her. Obviously, I was a newbie...waking a sleeping baby breaks a cardinal rule of motherhood. That pattern lasted probably for most of the first 6 weeks. She generally would sleep 2-3 hours and then wake to eat and then go back to sleep with relative ease.
...and then the reflux...Our first major bump in the road was when she developed reflux somewhere between months one and two. We were already tired, but this ramped it up to a whole new level because she had trouble sleeping laying flat and feedings were followed by 20-30 minutes of "upright" time on my chest. Multiply that times several feedings per night, and I didn't get much sleep. I spent a number of nights sleeping on the reclining part of our couch just to avoid being up and down so much. Our parenting schedule to get through those first months was that I would take care of Ilyana for the "night shift," and then Chad would take her for a few hours in the morning so I could get some uninterrupted sleep.
Bedsharing...The other thing that I started to do around the beginning of October was to feed Ilyana in bed with us for part of the night. It was just easier than getting up and sitting in the glider for 30ish minutes several times, and I found that she would sleep much longer stretches if she was near us. Many people have strong feelings about bedsharing, and I used to think that it was kind of weird, and I certainly didn't understand why anyone would choose to do it. Then, my family started to bedshare for part of the night every night and some nights, most of the night. We were accidental bedsharers, and I found that there were advantages and disadvantages. Overall, I really like bedsharing, but it was for a season, and so we are moving on to the next stage.
Advantages...easy nursing...being completely wakened much less often...being able to comfort Ilyana without really moving...she slept much longer into the morning...the best part was just snuggling closer to her and cuddling with her...and waking up with her in the morning. Happy baby morning smiles are the greatest.
Disadvantages...uncomfortable sleeping positions (my back was continuously sore from sleeping with one arm above my head)...worry that the covers might get over her head (I never really felt I would roll on her, though. It's like I know she's there even when I am sleeping and I would try to move her up by pillow after she was done eating, but she would sometimes sleep several house beside me before I would wake up.)...her inability to sleep without me right next to her...light sleeping...and waking lots of times during the night even if each time was short. Another disadvantage is that people generally don't really think it's a good idea so I often felt a little embarrassed that I wasn't being strong enough as a mom to have her sleep in her own bed.
The SwingIn late October/early November, Ilyana's sleep pattern took a turn for the worse and the exhaustion was beginning to overwhelm me during the day. She would wake up every hour or hour and a half and I couldn't get her to settle for any length of time. She had been taking most of her naps in the swing so, even though it seemed strange at the time, we put her to bed for the night in the swing. The first night she slept til 3 a.m without waking. This started a pattern of sleeping in the swing until partway through the night, and then sleeping the rest of the night with us. We stuck with this pattern until sometime mid-January (note previous post) when we moved her in the swing into the nursery. She made that transition beautifully,
And finally to the crib... a few nights later. The crib has been a bigger transition. It also happened to coincide with her turning six months old (which is a time that many kids begin to understand separation.) Her sleeping got worse instead of better, and we were trying to wean her out of our bed as well. This meant many nights for me of being up ever 1 1/2 to 2 hours. I would rock her to sleep and then just as I would be back in bed drifting off to sleep, I would hear her start to cry again. Needless to say, my emotional health was beginning to suffer after several weeks of this. She would sleep "like a baby" as long as we were holding her, but would wake minutes after being laid down. She no longer needs to eat every 2 hours. She just wanted to be held.
So here we are...Last week, after I had already gone to bed, Chad got the monitor out of the bedroom and took the plunge. (He let her cry.) Now this was a step that I didn't want to take. I imagined in happy parenting "fairy land" that she would just begin to sleep on her own one day (I know some babies do). Unfortunately, that day was not in the foreseeable future, and we were all beginning to be a little the worse for wear. He would go into her every few minutes, but she cried for over an hour the first night, but then she slept until 5:30 a.m. (I woke up at 5 a.m. ready to hit the gym. I haven't felt so good for months.) So we are staying the course and each night the crying has gotten less and less. Last night, she didn't cry at all and slept until 7:15 a.m with only one feeding around 4:00 a.m. , and tonight, she only fussed about 15 minutes before falling asleep.
I am hopeful that we are coming to the end of this season. I know that teething is still to come, and it may take years to totally conquer the "sleeping" bear, but in the meantime, I am looking forward to at least a few (mostly) uninterrupted nights.
