I put Ilyana down in her own room to sleep tonight. She's still in the swing, but we are beginning to attempt to make the transition into her own room in her own bed. She's been in our room since she was born, and she often sleeps with us for at least part of the night.
It didn't seem to phase her a bit when I put her to bed. She went to sleep as peacefully as she always does with a small cry-cry. Head turn-head turn. Sleep.
But I have to admit that it was a bittersweet moment for me. Don't get me wrong. I am ready to get more sleep, and I am ready to be able to go to bed without any worry of disturbing a little one, and I am excited for her to grow (most of the time). But, it marked a first of a lifetime of "letting go" experiences as her mom. And I wasn't sure that I was ready...Today, it's moving into her own room. Tomorrow, it will be kindergarten, and next week, it will be moving away from home. I get teary just thinking about it, and I know I am being a little dramatic. (It might be the long-term sleep deprivation talking.)
I bless her to be everything that God has planned for her, whatever that means. But part of me wants to be able to hold her close, smell her sweet stinkiness (her feet sweat a lot), kiss her head and make her into a small "burrito" with a swaddle blanket (which she is beginning to hate, by the way.) I will cherish these days of her smallness. I choose not to wish them away in the name of more sleep.
At the same time, I will begin to release her to what is next...even if today that just means swinging in the next room and probably ending up in bed with us for at least some part of the night. I will not hold this precious one back selfishly from her destiny. She is not ours...we just get to enjoy her for awhile. She's got a perfect Parent (not Chadwick...just to clarify...he's with me.) who can hold her and love her much longer and better than we can.
So tonight, I trust that she is swinging in the hands of the Father, and hopefully we'll all get some good sleep.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
A blog resurrection...
I realize that there has been precious little action (actually no action if we are to quibble about details) on this blog for several months. And it has actually been declared "dead" by the one follower that we are aware of (Chadwick's mother...aka MamaNeuf/Omi).
But, I have come to declare that the blog is risen. It is risen indeed.
I recently watched the movie "Julie & Julia" (which I would highly recommend if you like to cook and love to eat butter,) and have been inspired to write again. Maybe I should be embarrassed that my inspiration comes from a movie, but despite my desire to be deep, reflective, and well-read, I have to be honest and say that I mostly leave the deep thinking and heavy reading to my husband while I dine on a steady intellectual diet of "Girly" movies and "The Biggest Loser." Then, I just wait for Chadwick to share all his deep thoughts with me so that I can talk about them later even though my information is second hand. It's just one more reason why we make a great team.
So the Neufelds are back...at least one of them (me). I don't have a particular challenge/goal for myself like Julie did in the movie, and I certainly have no aspirations of getting a book deal out of this or having a movie made about our life. I do know, however, that life passes by and, while a person may feel that they will remember the details, emotions, and events of a season, the reality is that it slips away quickly as the next season begins. (I already can't even remember all the specifics from my fourth grade schedule from last year.) I would like to record snippits (is that a word?) of our day-to-day thoughts & activities so that we can remember this stage. I sometimes wish that my mom had written things down so that I could read about the life my family lived when I was growing up. So maybe someday these posts will be a gift to Ilyana. If not, it will be give me a chance to process my current life as a stay-at-home mom who has been a teacher and lives in a high school residence hall. We'll see...
...but Ilyana if you are ever reading this...you'll be happy to know that today, Tuesday, January 12, 2010 you are 5 months & 3 days old. You are wearing a yellow sleeper with hearts on it and sitting on the couch beside me chewing on a pink plastic pretzel. Not to mention sliming everything in sight. Very developmentally appropriate. Good Job.
But, I have come to declare that the blog is risen. It is risen indeed.
I recently watched the movie "Julie & Julia" (which I would highly recommend if you like to cook and love to eat butter,) and have been inspired to write again. Maybe I should be embarrassed that my inspiration comes from a movie, but despite my desire to be deep, reflective, and well-read, I have to be honest and say that I mostly leave the deep thinking and heavy reading to my husband while I dine on a steady intellectual diet of "Girly" movies and "The Biggest Loser." Then, I just wait for Chadwick to share all his deep thoughts with me so that I can talk about them later even though my information is second hand. It's just one more reason why we make a great team.
So the Neufelds are back...at least one of them (me). I don't have a particular challenge/goal for myself like Julie did in the movie, and I certainly have no aspirations of getting a book deal out of this or having a movie made about our life. I do know, however, that life passes by and, while a person may feel that they will remember the details, emotions, and events of a season, the reality is that it slips away quickly as the next season begins. (I already can't even remember all the specifics from my fourth grade schedule from last year.) I would like to record snippits (is that a word?) of our day-to-day thoughts & activities so that we can remember this stage. I sometimes wish that my mom had written things down so that I could read about the life my family lived when I was growing up. So maybe someday these posts will be a gift to Ilyana. If not, it will be give me a chance to process my current life as a stay-at-home mom who has been a teacher and lives in a high school residence hall. We'll see...
...but Ilyana if you are ever reading this...you'll be happy to know that today, Tuesday, January 12, 2010 you are 5 months & 3 days old. You are wearing a yellow sleeper with hearts on it and sitting on the couch beside me chewing on a pink plastic pretzel. Not to mention sliming everything in sight. Very developmentally appropriate. Good Job.
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