I put Ilyana down in her own room to sleep tonight. She's still in the swing, but we are beginning to attempt to make the transition into her own room in her own bed. She's been in our room since she was born, and she often sleeps with us for at least part of the night.
It didn't seem to phase her a bit when I put her to bed. She went to sleep as peacefully as she always does with a small cry-cry. Head turn-head turn. Sleep.
But I have to admit that it was a bittersweet moment for me. Don't get me wrong. I am ready to get more sleep, and I am ready to be able to go to bed without any worry of disturbing a little one, and I am excited for her to grow (most of the time). But, it marked a first of a lifetime of "letting go" experiences as her mom. And I wasn't sure that I was ready...Today, it's moving into her own room. Tomorrow, it will be kindergarten, and next week, it will be moving away from home. I get teary just thinking about it, and I know I am being a little dramatic. (It might be the long-term sleep deprivation talking.)
I bless her to be everything that God has planned for her, whatever that means. But part of me wants to be able to hold her close, smell her sweet stinkiness (her feet sweat a lot), kiss her head and make her into a small "burrito" with a swaddle blanket (which she is beginning to hate, by the way.) I will cherish these days of her smallness. I choose not to wish them away in the name of more sleep.
At the same time, I will begin to release her to what is next...even if today that just means swinging in the next room and probably ending up in bed with us for at least some part of the night. I will not hold this precious one back selfishly from her destiny. She is not ours...we just get to enjoy her for awhile. She's got a perfect Parent (not Chadwick...just to clarify...he's with me.) who can hold her and love her much longer and better than we can.
So tonight, I trust that she is swinging in the hands of the Father, and hopefully we'll all get some good sleep.
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